I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
