Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
