is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
