I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
