look no pants
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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