You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
