Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
