Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
