So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
