Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
