if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
