Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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