It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
