he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
did you just send me my own nude
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
