ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
