He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Randomize
