I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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