Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
