Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
