So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
