Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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