HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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