Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
