So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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