My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
