What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
