i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
