yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
