I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
