Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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