Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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