He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
