I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
