My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
