I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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