Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
