capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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