She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
