I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
