oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
