so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
