This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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