I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
