Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
