First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
