he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
