Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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