remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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