I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
