so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
